No what I really don't like is airports.

There is so much to dislike about them. Firstly they are like a cross between two other things that I can't stand. Motorway service stations and shopping centres.

Shopping Centres are an obvious bug bear of mine. After all I'm from Yorkshire so the idea of going out and spending money is an alien concept. But seriously they are so bland and always have the same things inside them. How anybody could look forward to going to the White Rose or Meadowhall is beyond me. 

Motorway Service Stations are similarily all 'chained' up. Even worse they insist on charging you over the odds for substandard food that you could get cheaper else where.  

Anyway so in an airport you get the double whammy of endless chain shops trying to sell you stuff you don't need based on the premise that its 'duty free'. Together with overpriced substandard food. 

Its also a pain that airports are always miles out of town. Don't get me wrong I understand why this is the case. After all who wants planes crashing in heavily populated areas. But still its a real pain to get to the airport particularly with all your luggage. 

When I go to Paris I always prefer to go by train. Even though it takes about 4-5 hours from station to station it just seems easier. We live 10 minutes from our local train station and at the other end you're in the centre of Paris. To fly its a hour to the airport at each end. Plus a hour hanging about and a hour to fly. And you get much more leg room on a train. And its not defying nature quite as much.

Anyway the real killer annoyance in airports is the security. I've always disliked this although my attitude was hardened a couple of years ago when I got picked out for random extra treatment in Newark Airport. When I was pulled aside by a uniformed man I immediately got very nervous. When he proceeded to pull on a pair of rubber gloves I became extremely uncomfortable.

Don't get me wrong I'm not particularly keen on getting blown up mid air. But I do wonder at the effectiveness of some of the techniques. 

For example that little Q&A session about who packed your bags. Does it ever do the trick? 'Did you pack this bag yourself?' 'No it was given to me by my Al-Quaeda leader'. I mean even I lie. Well I'm not going to admit that Mrs Windbag packs my bag for me am I? 

I do recall though that the first time I got asked these questions way back in 1989 I nearly got myself in hot water. One question concerned if I had any weapons on me. I actually thought about it and realised I had a bottle of red wine on me. If you ask me it doesn't take much improvisation to turn this into an effective weapon. Of course my travelling companions and the BA staff thought I was taking the mickey. But in reality I was just being honest. Thankfully this was pre-9/11 so I wasn't immediately put in orange pyjamas and dragged off to Guantanamo Bay. But I did get a few black looks off everybody.

Music Selection October 2012

JonnytheFirth - Broken Bones

New York Stories

Gig Diary - September 2012

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