Snow Special

What I mean by this of course is that I'm not moaning about something per se. Instead I'm moaning about people moaning. And boy have I got a whole lot to whinge about!

For starters its been snowing on and off since the week before Christmas. However the really serious stuff started on the morning of Tuesday 5th January. Yes southerners you heard me right it started on Tuesday! I believe there may have been a passing condescending comment on it in the national news. "Five whippets caught up in an avalanche in Yorkshire; panic buying of black pudding in Lancashire". You know the sort of thing. 

Suddenly though on Wednesday the snow was NEWS. Yes it had hit the south east as well. Then you couldn't turn on the telly without somebody going on about it. And god did they go on about it. Newsreaders called things like Susannah and Charlie were grim facedly telling us that there were rumours of cannibalism on the A3 in Basingstoke whilst people in Tunbridge Wells were having to drink water from their toilet bowls. 

Meanwhile on our local telly program Look North, up in Yorkshire, our presenters were all doing reports from various parts of the region. Everybody on the screen seemed to be having snow ball fights; slacking off to the pub and showing general stoicism if not down right enjoyment.

I lived down south for 13 years and I know that people down there are not that different to us up North. So I'm saying to my brothers and sisters down in the home counties. For gods sake rise up and overthrow your miserable Daily Mail reading; Tory voting; doom preaching; public school educated; sorry excuses for news presenters. Give them the sack and get somebody new and jolly in for goodness sake. Surely there must be somebody who can read an autocue while smiling at the same time! 

Right that's a start. Do you know who else annoys me? The blokes (and its always blokes) that appear on the telly moaning about how 'a couple of flakes of snow brings the whole country to a halt' and 'how would we all survive in Russia or Scandinavia where they have snow all the time?' Listen the clue is in what you just said. They have snow all the time! So they have appropriate equipment such as chains on their tyres. Nobody is going to spend a fortune on chains for their tyres which they'll only use for two days once every three years! (Mind you every January millions of people buy gym memberships and then use them for two days - perhaps we need to advertise snow chains as some kind of fitness thing). 

Sorry to harp on about this again but the papers are full of horror reports about how all this bad weather is doing billions of pounds of damage to the British economy. For gods sake there's more to life than balance sheets. If Joe Bloggs can't get out of his house to buy a brand new flat screen telly this week he'll be doing it next week once the weather's got a bit better. Keep your blooming hair on.

Oh yeah and another thing. One bad cold spell in Winter doesn't prove that Global Warming isn't going to happen! It is winter after all and it has been known to snow. Conversely the fact that its unseasonably cold doesn't mean that the gulf stream has failed as a result of Global Warming. Individual weather events happen. The prevailing climate is based on trends over years and decades. As you know I'm sitting on the fence on Global warming and the events of the last couple of weeks have not changed my view either way.

Finally and this is just moaning for the sake of it I guess. I've been wearing a hat this last few days and its a blooming nightmare. I've had a permanent bad hair day. Its got to the stage where I'm half considering wearing my hat at all time whilst out of the house even in the office. Of course only knobs wear hats inside (sorry but its true). I tell you what L'Oreal if you really thought I was flaming worth it you'd create something to keep my hair in a shape which is impervious to hats of all varieties instead of poncing about making fancy shampoos for past it actresses.

Phew I feel a lot better now. But finally before I go a positive note. 

Now I know that the snow is a serious business for loads of people for all sorts of reasons and I'm not trying to trivialize it. I wasn't too chirpy myself on Tuesday trying (and failing) to drive to work on snowy roads (speaking as someone who has managed to write off cars in perfectly normal easy driving conditions on two separate occasions). Still the thing I like is the way that the weather breaks down barriers and gets everybody together - a bit like Christmas only without the expense and hangovers. Talking to the neighbours (as you help them dig their car out/give them rubbish advice on how to drive up hills etc.); comparing notes on how many problems you surmounted to get into the office; and basically grumbling about the weather.

A Summer Music Mix

Back Issues

Send your comments, articles, insults, poetry, pictures, outpourings of love etc

The Credits