Ok I want to talk about something that isn't big and certainly isn't clever. I am of course referring to the noble art of swearing. 

I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with the old anglo-saxon vernacular. By this I mean that I love to use it myself but hate it when its over used or inappropiate. Very hypocritical since more often than not I'm guilty of both swearing inappropriately and too much.

Swearing is something that most of us become aware of at an early age. I certainly had heard all the normal variations whilst still at junior school. In fact I remember Robert Chapman and Chris Paxton filling me in on what they meant as well. Despite what you may think this was a pretty mature conversation which also covered the facts of life! 

Despite my knowledge of such words I never used them myself. I can't for the life of me remember when I broke that particular taboo. Possibly when I was at university in some misguided attempt to garner myself a bit of street cred.

Anyway as we all know once the genie is out of the bottle you just can't stop yourself. On several occasions I have decided to moderate my language. Only to find this lasted only until the next setback in my life (usually at a football match or work).

Recently though I've noticed a new worrying development. I think I may be becoming influenced by the telly I'm watching or to be exact the DVD I'm watching. I'm a devoted fan of 'the Wire' and recently I've noticed an oath frequently used by one of the characters has now become one of my own favourites.

To be honest I'm a little mortified I've always prided myself on been beyond the influence of the telly. I never buy stuff based on adverts and I certainly didn't jump out of a window just because Superman did it as some young lad allegedly did (or was that just some urban myth perpetuated by my mum?)

Anyway as the number of nephews and nieces I have increases it seems that the chances of making a significant but unwelcome addition to a small child's vocabulary is likely to increase. There've been a couple of minor incidents involving my godson Struan already (courtesy of his grandfather and mother not me I might add). 

It reminds me of an anecdote a friend told me years ago about his nephew. Apparently said little boy was in the car with his mother and grand mother. As they drove into a multi-storey car park the child started chanting 'We're in the flaming car park' repeatedly. Actually he didn't say flaming but instead something a little stronger. Turns out said little mite had been in the car with his dad a few days before. He was testing his father's patience with his persistent questioning. Eventually as they drove into a car park he asked his dad where they were? Dad had had enough by now and he told his little lad in no uncertain terms where they were. The little 'un obviously thought that the 'flaming' bit was just part of the name.

So anyway the upshot of all this is that I've decided to try to kick swearing. By announcing it publicly I'm hopeful that I will be able to stick at it. This is perhaps a bit of a foolhardy venture given that the football season still as a month to run.

As an added incentive to myself I've decided to set up a 'virtual swear box' for myself (basically I'll make a note of it in my pocket diary). Every time I swear I will dock myself 5p with the money going to a charity at some future point (either the end of the year or when the fund reaches a million quid whichever is sooner). 

Hopefully the thought of paying out money will be the incentive I need. After all I am from Yorkshire!  





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